


Dead in Your Arms

by cured



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, klance, yeah its not that much blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-22 08:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12477308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cured/pseuds/cured
Summary: Too weary to reply, Keith just goes with the boy. Lance he can trust. Lance will make it right again.Everything was going to be okay.---Returning to Voltron after two years with the Blade of Marmora, Keith must find acceptance in a team who blames him for the physical and emotional trauma that he causes





	1. In the event of an emergency, dial one

**Author's Note:**

> The first in what will hopefully be a sequence of chapters. Feedback is appreciated
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

He looked down at the photo and had to fold it up once again to prevent himself from being overwhelmed with emotion. Back when he was training at the garrison, Keith had already removed himself from the group of people who could have become some of his closest friends, but now, looking at the group photo of him amongst the other pilots, he recognised Lance. Who wouldn’t? The boy was in the front of the group, leaning forward, his arms around two team mates and he was grinning so widely, ever the centre of the  
sphere of attention that he created for himself. Keith felt the corners of his mouth raise.

Leaving Voltron had been a hard choice, and he had felt the moment the strings that tied him to the other cast members broke into pieces. The looks on their faces saddened him, and although they had enveloped him in hugs, he knew that they secretly were angry and pushing him further away. It was easier not to get tied to people, he knew that, but he did and then losing them when he was trying his best to be the person they wanted him to be was harder than he could have imagined.

Keith threw the photo down onto his bed and let out an exasperated sigh as he reminded himself that this wasn’t about him anymore. He needed to not think about the team, about the friendships that he had formed. Fighting the Galra was the most important thing in his life, in anyone’s life. It was a mission for the people and he had to complete it, no matter the cost.

He slipped out of the room and waited for the ship to drop him off into the city. Agitated, as always, the speed never seemed to be fast enough.

Amongst the crowds he was hidden, just another face in the mass of creatures who were pushing past each other, carrying bags and talking loudly in an attempt to get their voices heard over the blaring speakers. Lights flashed bright colours around him, screens played ads for products that her had never heard of before in languages that he couldn’t understand.

Yet, even in a new world that he previously would have been even mildly interested to explore, he found himself short tempered and ready to leave. After a while all the streets begin to look the same and observing all the faces seemed useless.

All he needed was information. It was as simple as that, yet in its complexity, it carried. More supply routes were uncovered, and he wasn’t risking any more lives on ships that were rigged to explode. That memory was never going to fade, no matter how many people he saw killed or years passed.

He slides into a back alleyway, where the press of bodies is removed and for the first time he can breathe. Posters are plastered everywhere, encouraging people to join the coalition, and he has to turn away so that he doesn’t stare too long at the faces of his friends. Walking quickly and carefully, in a way that it seems that his feet do not touch the ground, he was hidden in the shadows, his clothes are able to merge into backdrop of this place.

He sees the man he is looking for much later, once he sorts out this maze of a building. Hidden, behind stacks of crates, surrounded by body guards, the man is both well dressed and completely casual. Placing his hand upon his weapon, Keith observes the casual pose the man has taken with his feet up on his desk.

The man wasn’t meant to be this well protected yet Keith wasn’t worried. You never bring a knife to a gun fight.

Unless it is all you ever need.

“Are you lost?” A deep voice rings out as he slides into a position with better posture behind his desk.

The man is cleanly shaven, not a single strand of hair on his bolding blue head, and Keith notices his elongated features. The scar twisting up the side of his neck and jaw makes him completely recognisable. At least two heads taller than Keith, his legs are long and thin, the bones almost poking through.

“No, I’ve found just what I was looking for.”

The guards slide their hands to their guns slowly and the atmosphere in the room hardens. Keith is aware of every breath being taken, and he is prepared for almost anything that could come his way.

Expect for the unexpected.

Her voice is familiar and when it fills the rooms it is a curse that leaves his mouth, yet the commotion in the air hides it.

“Keith?”

Then the shots fill the air and he is moving as fast as he can. Blades are ripping through the air and into flesh as men fall to the floor around his feet. Everything is a blur as he dodges and twists but he is skilled and it is over within a second.

It is as if he is moving through liquid and everything is in slow motion. He moves but nothing around him does so he has time to calculate everything he does so precisely. Men who come at him find themselves on the floor within second, holes in their stomachs that they could never heal. Not a single regret, not a second thought.

He doesn’t count the time that it takes before it is over, yet he knows that it is due to the silence. He observes his surroundings for a moment, being careful not to slip over in liquid that is spreading over the floor.

More curses exit his mouth when he notices his source slumped over the desk, blood spilling out from a wound in his chest. Keith walks forward and checks his pulse but even though the body is warm, there is no life within it. He will have to get the information some other way. Someone always knows something, he reassures himself, there will always be a next time.

And then he remembers the voice and he turns around as fast as his body lets him and then he sees her lying there, on the floor shaking. A whine leaves her lips as he kneels down beside her. Her smashed glasses are lying beside her and he puts them back onto her face with shaky hands.

Blood is everywhere, on her cheeks, on her hands and on the bullet hole torn through her Paladin armour. Keith had never seen so much blood pour out of such a tiny person and he closes his eyes for a second to keep himself from getting dizzy. Reaching out, he slowly touches he stomach and she screams so loudly that it fills the void that silence has made. He flinches. She looks so pale. What was he going to do?

Moving her hands so that they are sort of covering the hole as if it was going to stop the bleeding, he sighs before he picks her up into his arms. He’s going to have to forget about the information for now. Pidge needs him.

He lifts her up.

She seems so small curled up into his chest like this. He never noticed how tiny her hands were before.

Mask still covering his face, the crowd seems to part around him as he runs. Her breathing is shallow and sometimes she groans. Observing her, he notes that her eyes are closed now. He wants to pretend that she is just sleeping but he can’t; her stickiness is seeping onto him and he can imagine that his skin is stained red under his suit.

Oh Pidge.

He lays her down in the back of his ship, and pulls himself into orbit as fast as he can manage. He was the best pilot in his class and now he needed to show it. He can’t bear to look back at Pidge the way she is now, whimpering and broken. If the Blade of Marmora taught him anything, it was mission first, lives later but he wasn’t all that. Keith hadn’t removed that side of him yet, the side of team, and unity brought in through Voltron. Two years and he was still a part of them, if not physically, emotionally.

He sends a message to the castle and within seconds Coran’s face is lit up in his view. Keith sighs in both relief and panic as the red haired man plays with his moustache. The energy in his eyes speak a thousand words but Coran looks older now, the lines on his face cutting in deep.

“Ah Keith!” He exclaims, excited, “How have you been?”

“Coran, where is the castle located?” The man laughs as if this is just some casual conversation.

“Ready to come home, are we? Took you long enough!”

“Coran, we don’t have time.” The man rolls his eyes but begins clicking away anyway.

“I’m sending the co-ordinates through now. You should get them any second.”

“Thanks.”

And then Keith is off, like his life depends on it. And a life does. He turns to look at Pidge and her breathing is weakening and the blood is spreading in a pool around her. Seeing enough death in his time, he knows what it looks like yet somehow it makes him physically sick to see her like this. He forces himself to turn away.

When he finally boards the castle he is so relieved and he almost collapses in shear exhaustion but he picks her up and carries her until he runs into Shiro whose face flickers with surprise first followed by pure shock.

Shiro takes Pidge from his arms and in an instant he is gone as if he was never there before. Keith is shaking now too, his body weak and the fear so real yet he is forcing himself to calm down, to seem okay. Pidge cannot die. That kid has been the light for everyone here. Her dedication, her knowledge has driven Voltron and now, because of him, she might die. How can you be so stupid Keith?

“Keith?” Lance’s voice is loud and excited as he enters the hall, “What are you doing here?”

Keith just holds up his hand to silence the boy who in this moment he cannot deal with and Lance notices the blood within a second. Smiles are wiped off faces, and within seconds Lance is there at his side.

“Are you hurt?” A hand is placed on his shoulder. All Keith can do is shake his head and point towards the trail that’s leading away from him. Lance looks down the hall and this confirms to him that this isn't Keith’s blood. “Shit. Let’s get you cleaned up then, shall we?”

Too weary to reply, Keith just goes with the boy. Lance he can trust. Lance will make it right again.

Everything was going to be okay.


	2. I asked for an ambulance, why did you call the police?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 has arrived :)  
> Enjoy  
> Feel Free to leave some feedback

Allura’s eyes upon him were cold and harsh and even from a distance, he knew that she blamed him. Ever since he became something more than human, her eyes offered him nothing but questions and hesitation. She couldn’t see the boy anymore, and although she didn’t hate him for it, it was enough to strike a gap between them. Now, he could add Pidge to his list.

Keith turned away from the group just in time to miss Hunk’s face of sympathy and confusion. He ran his hand through his hair. What was he meant to do now?

Pidge is okay. Well enough, healing, maybe she has a fighting chance if no one disturbs her pod. That is the only thing that was keeping Keith going at the moment. He would have left this place otherwise, joined his cause again but he owed this to Pidge. Wanting to see her smile was his driving force right to remain in this place.

Lance had told him what at happened whilst he helped Keith pull himself together.

Pidge, in all her glory believed that since she was able to recover Matt, she would be able to find Keith again too after he basically removed himself from all contact. It had been two years since they had all last seen each other, a single mission pulling itself into something more and suddenly Keith was everywhere but with the team that had brought them together.

Pidge wanted to find her friend again, she noticed the hole in the team, the gap and the still air in the group as they struggled to reform. She wanted to find Keith again, but he had hidden himself well, blocked all communication that directly linked to him and the Blade of Marmora aided him. But Pidge, dear Pidge, she was never one to give up easily. She would go to the ends of the universe for the people that she cared about.

And then, she went to the city not initially to find Keith, but when she saw him then, how could she resist? Of course she needed to talk to him, to find him and to bring him home, or at least tell him stories over what happened over a cup of space coffee. And then Keith had walked into that place and she had followed him, not knowing any better.

At least Lance was trying to be understanding. The boy had spent all night in Keith’s room, holding him, listening to stories about the Galra, his mission and what he had achieved. Keith had cried – although the tears shed were minimal - and Lance who in any other situation would have joked and make him feel awkward listened and didn’t judge. Lance, the boy who had always fought with him was acting like the only family he had here. It was Lance that woke him up and talked with Shiro for him because Keith couldn’t face their leader, their father figure.

And now Keith sat down among them, forced receiving hugs and looks that he couldn’t quite read. Being reunited like this was never his initial aim. He wanted to defeat their enemy, return victorious, show someone that he was worthwhile and make them proud.

He was sure every single one of them hated him now.

Coran was talking. Always talking in his excitement. Telling Keith about the coalition and journeys that they were going on, places that they had freed. And Keith was proud. It was a slow process, but he could already feel the soft touch of freedom everywhere. It had made work for the Blade easier, and he couldn’t thank Voltron enough.

But he knew the truth. Coran just couldn’t bear the silence that would have taken its place otherwise. No one wanted to talk about Pidge but no one wanted to talk about Keith either. Shiro had told him that he shouldn’t pull everyone’s heartstrings and give them hope if he just wanted to leave again. They didn’t need more broken hearts.

He missed them. He realised that now. He had always been afraid to get close to people and this was why. Abandoned and lost, he knew that the friends that he had formed here were for life. Yet these people didn’t understand him when he needed it most, and he thought for a moment that they didn’t care for him as much as he cared for them. Shiro had yelled at him. Shiro – the one who had told him not to prevent others from leaving was stopping him was forcing him to stay.

Keith fights the urge to get up and run. He couldn’t run forever, no matter how much he just wanted to sink away and disappear.

“How have you been buddy?” Hunk talks and only then does Keith realise it has gone silent.

“Yeah, it’s been fine.” Keith makes eye contact with him, “Difficult.”

After being away from your friends for so long, wasn’t there meant to be so much to talk about?

“Dude, it cannot be worse than what we’ve had here! First the Galra, and then we run out of food goo?! How do you run out of food?!” Keith smiles. Hunk made him feel mildly okay.

“I don’t know Hunk, maybe you just eat too much?”

“He never stops!” Lance groans overdramatically and leans backwards, holding his stomach as if it was cramping. Keith cannot help but notice the silence coming from Shiro and Allura as the others all laugh.

It will be better eventually he convinces himself. Just be happy, enjoy it. For now you’re home. _For now._

They stay there for a little while longer, small talk escaping all of their lips but one by one everyone dismissed themselves. Some excuses, like Allura’s are weak (‘I just need to check on the castle defences’ – she had already done that earlier in the morning) and some were more credible , like Shiro’s (‘I better get some training done’). Except for Lance. He continued to stay positioned on that couch the whole time like it was nothing. He hasn’t changed a bit, Keith notes, still as lazy as before, going nowhere in a hurry.

“Still a good pilot?” Lance asks.

“Huh?”

“I’m going to take that as a no because I can.”

“I’ll never understand you.” Keith wishes that he could reverse time again. It was strange, this kind Lance. But it was okay, Keith could deal with it for now. He was sure it wouldn’t last much longer.

There is silence and a couple of times when their eyes meet, Keith breaks them apart. It feels strange to be back here, in a place with so much light and some much more calm than the Blade ever offered.

At the Blade, his work with the rebels was serious all the time. If he wasn’t out doing something, Keith was preparing to go out. As time progressed, he slept less and less, seven hours a night turning into three or four until the point where he sometimes wondering how he was still standing. No matter how strong he was, his body still ached often and he was sure now that his left knee had some permanent damage.

“Do you want to go out and do something?” Lances voice sends chills down his spine, “Like we could meet some chicks, get some drinks, party a little. Anything but just sitting here, you know?”

“I don’t want to party.”

“That’s all good with me.” Lance stands up, flashes him a look with a smile and pulls Keith up onto his feet, “Come one, we can’t sit here and think about Pidge forever. She’s going to be okay. We need to keep our minds busy.”

Why was Lance being so polite? Lance always picked fights with Keith. That was their thing. Why now, why after so long? Out of all the reactions he had got when he was leaving, Lance’s was the worst.

The boy had first argued with Keith non-stop. Whilst packing his bags, Lance had been over his shoulders the whole time, glaring so hard that Keith could feel his eyes burning holes into his back as if they were lasers. Keith thought he would have been relieved. He had always been jealous of being second place to the original Red Paladin ever since day one of training. Yet, in the second that Keith left, Lance’s face had turned from one of anger to one of hurt. Keith could have sworn he had seen tears in the boy’s eyes as he slipped Keith the photo.

_Something to remember us by when you’re saving the world._ Keith had just shoved it into a pocket and hadn’t pulled it out till several days when it was crushed. The only reason that he remembered about it in the first place was the fact that one of the corners was jabbing uncomfortably into his skin. He had spent a while flattening it and even longer studying it. Hunk was there too, in the background with Pidge on his shoulders.

Now they were not fighting, they seemed almost friendly and for once Keith felt content in Lance’s presence. Friends, maybe, if they continued to work towards it. Keith was going to need all the ones he could get right now.

“I’m sorry you know, about Pidge.” Keith comments as they walk, their boots echoing on the floor.

“Don’t worry about it buddy.” Lance doesn’t look at him, “Probably couldn’t have avoided it. She’s always leaping into danger nowadays.”

“That doesn’t sound like Pidge.”

“A lot’s changed since you left. Pidge is always trying to save people on her own. Shiro has become colder, more distanced and harsher. He’s almost like you now with that emo, isolated thing that you like to do. Hunk – well Hunk hasn’t changed.” Lance throws him a light smile.

He was sure that he’d never get used to it; the new way that the team had shifted.

And he didn’t want to.

It is about then when they reach the red lion. Keith stops short when he sees the creature. The metal is still how he remembers it – Shiny, glaring at him as light reflects off of its surfaces, purely beautiful. He reaches his hand out but he stops just short of touching it. What would Red think of him now? Would she move away under his touch? Did he really want to know how she behaved?

She did abandon him after all, even before he left.

She tore away from him and made him feel like he was nothing.

She was his stepping stone, his comfort and his acceptance here through everything and then she chose Lance and Keith realised that he might not have been that special, that the tough lion would choose anyone who tried hard enough.

“Are you coming or what?” Lance breaks him out of his trance.

Sighing loudly, he just quickly reaches out. The metal is cool and strange, and there is no reaction from the lion. A sad smile fills his face.

He had been hoping for even the slightest flicker.

Keith joins Lance in the cockpit, feeling strange to be back here again after so long. Once again, he must fight his urges to take control of the buttons and just fly for a moment. She was Lance’s now. He had come to accept that long ago.

And when they leap off, Keith feels thrills travel through his body and he lets a small smile creep onto his lips. Lance had been right – he had needed to take his mind off Pidge for a moment – the pods would fix her so there was nothing to worry about. This was going to be the first afternoon in many where he wasn’t poured over maps or making plans or implementing some missions. Today, he would just be Voltron’s Keith again. He was glad that in all of this that he was offered at least that.

They blast through the sky and for once Keith could just look at the stars and at all the planets; the rawness of their beauty and the subtlety of their captivity. Leaping off of the asteroids one by one they are flying through the sky quickly. He can almost imagine Shiro’s voice blasting over the coms, yelling at them to form Voltron.

Keith laughs and Lance throws him a look of confusion but he is smiling too.

He was where he belonged.

They land on the planet, whichever one Lance had chosen, and Keith knew that whatever happened now, he would have to make the most of it. The time he had till the Blade called on him again was slipping away.


	3. Officer, this isn’t the scene of the crime?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The third, and my favourite chapter so far.  
> I hope that you all enjoy it :)

It reminded him of home; the trees with their flat leaves, the scent of both flowers and mechanics in the air and the blaring hot sun shining over the desert on the horizon. Keith sighed loudly. He had never quite felt like he had a place on Earth but he often missed the time he was able to spend with himself in the setting that he loved.

Often, thinking of home reminded him of things that he didn’t really want to think about, and it made him feel lonelier than he already was, but today it reminded him of the time when he was a child, when everything was still okay and of the moment that they retrieved Shiro and their whole lives changed forever.

Lance grabs his hands and suddenly they were both flying through the streets at an extraordinary pace. _He’s gotten fast_ Keith notes as his own feet struggle to keep up with that of his teammate, yet, in an attempt to remove reasons for teasing, Keith pushes his limits to their breaking point. Lance throws his head back in laughter as the sun bears down upon his already darkened skin. He gives Keith a look that he can’t quite read.

“I always love it here. Reminds me a bit of the Garrison, except with pretty ladies of course.” He winks at a couple of girls who pass by and they giggle. He is forever the flirt.

Lance drags Keith into a store and a little bell chimes as they enter. It smell sticky and sweet but kind of musky. Lance gives the shop owner a smile as he picks up a couple shiny glass jars and exchanges a few of coins.

Seconds later they are back on the street and Lance is shoving a bunch of small balls into Keith’s hand. When Keith looks at them he notices that they sparkle in a hundred different colours. They are beautiful, like the galaxy he notes, blues and purples and pinks. Holding them up to the light, he can see straight through them to the other side.

Lance pops one into his mouth so Keith does the same, cringing when it is slightly bitter. Lance giggles and then shoves a second one into his own mouth. Keith sucks on them for a little bit and then they turn slightly sweeter yet his mouth seems glued shut. No matter how hard he tries he cannot seem to pull his lips apart.

Determined not to panic, Keith keeps a straight face, knowing full and well that Lance probably just wants some sort reaction from him. He sucks the candy, moving it around with his tongue until it becomes the size of a ball no larger than a pea.

He then swallows it and within two minutes his lips are able to be pulled slowly apart. It hurts a little and the skin cracks, blood pooling a little in the slits that have formed. Lance laughs through clenched jaws and puts his hands on Keith’s shoulder, attempting to say something. He can’t open his own mouth yet though, so it comes out in a bunch of intangible words that Keith is unable to decipher. Glaring at him, Keith knows he will need to get the boy back.

“You know,” he says when he finally manages to free his mouth again, “We should go see the park. I think even you will like it.”

And they are off again as if they are just two friends on an adventure and not people tasked with saving the world.

The park, as predicted is one of the most stunning things Keith has seen in a while. He is used to the inside of ships and alleyways bathed in darkness. He is used to dark skies and long days. He is used to being serious and focused, not finding enjoyment in everything.

The leaves that stretch outwards to form a canopy are the same dark green as the skin of the people walking past them and birds the height of their waists in striking blues oranges and reds walk by as if they are so used to the presence of people that they do not seem to notice the Paladins standing there completely awestruck.

A young girl with waist length wavy brown hair chases one of them, arms outstretched, fingers spread wide. She’s got a flat nose and unstable knees and she stumbles often, never quite being able to touch them before they flutter away a couple of feet further than her stubby digits can reach.

He looks for a bench or somewhere that they can sit on but Lance prevents him from doing so.

“Come on, this isn’t even the best part.”

Near the centre of the park, after some searching and walking off-path through shrubbery that claws at their legs, they stumble across a waterfall. It’s not big. No taller than Lance and it is only connected to a tiny stream but the gushing water appears to be surrounded by life. Creatures that seem almost frog-like walk around, and tiny insects of one or the other variety skim the surface of the water.

“Neat, eh?”

“Yeah, it’s nice.”

Keith reaches down and touches the water. He notices then the reflection of the two of them. They have both ages with lines on their faces sharper, and they have both started on the journey that takes them from boy to man. They seem older and wiser, yet as young as ever emotionally, waiting for the time when they finally find their feet.

Then Lance pushes him in.

It is expected of course, as Lance has always been that type but Keith does not even consider it to be a possibility so he falls straight into the shallow pool at the waterfall’s base. Drenched now, he turns himself over and sends Lance a look so that he understands exactly what is coming for him. Water is exchanged between hands and bodies and it is a matter of seconds before Lance is right there alongside him in the water.

The two of them continue their pursuit for a little longer, attempting to be the one that ends up victorious, yet neither of them manages to get a substantial lead. Hands are pushed against shoulders, faces and thighs, legs are curled around waists as they twist in an attempt to get into control.

Lance is panting but he is smiling also and whenever Keith thinks that he has managed to get a lead, Lance slips out of his grip again. Who knew that the boy was that flexible?

It is Keith who stops it by standing off and shrugging off his jacket. He hangs it over a rock so that the blasting sun can dry it before looking down at his friend. He rolls his shoulders back and cracks his neck in an attempt to relieve some pressure.

Lance raises his eyebrow and Keith gives him a look of warning. But Lance has never taken no as an answer.

Lance pushes himself up and grabs the front of Keith’s shirt before falling back down again, dragging him back into the water. They roll around for a little while but Lance, in his thin frame, somehow manages to overpower Keith, pinning him down under the water. He watches bubbles surface as Keith tries to free himself and laughs when the dark-haired boy is finally able to break free. Keith inhales deep gulfs of air.

Sitting up now, their faces are close to touching, and Lance shifts away a second later to give the boy more space. Keith blushes and hopes that it is not noticeable. Lance does pick up on it though, even if he doesn't choose to mention it.

When positioned like this, the water of the stream is up to their waist, shallow enough to see small silver animals dart around them. Keith shifts uncomfortably, unsure what to do now.

Lance does though, and he speaks to break the silence.

“Why did you do it Keith?” Lance looks up at the canopy, “Why did you just disappear like that?”

“I had to fight the Gal-”

“No.” Lance twists and uses his hands to turn Keith’s face too, “Fighting the Galra didn’t mean that you couldn’t talk to us, never visit. It didn’t have to eliminate you from our lives. You chose to leave. You chose to pretend that you didn’t exist. Why?”

Keith looks in the eyes of the boy and tries to search through whatever answer that Lance wants. He doesn’t know what to say. Keith has never known, and he can’t even answer that question for himself.

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me!” Lance’s raise in voice makes Keith flinch, “Just tell me you idiot! You owe me at least this! You almost drove into a fucking force field and ended your life! And then you just ran off! No explanations or nothing.”

“What am I mean to say?”

“The truth!”

“I’m sorry Lance.” Keith sighs and Lance lets him go so that the boy can break eye contact with him as Lance notices how uncomfortable he is, “I’m so sorry.”

“Just try your best.” His voice is so soft.

“I felt like I had to make a choice, you know: The Blade or Voltron. I tried. I tried my best to be both but I couldn’t and then I was left with a decision because I felt like every time I let you all down. And I was going to choose Voltron. I really was but everyone was pushing me away and then I thought it was easier to leave than to let you be disappointed at me. The Blade accepted me and everyone here was angry or hurt all the time.”

He sighs and looks at Lance who gives him a light smile and places his hand on Keith’s upper leg, rubbing it slightly.

“Go on.” Lance encourages.

“I didn’t want to not contact you all, it was just easier. There is no place for sentimentality in the Blade, and talking to you would have just evoked that. Being part of team here was one of the greatest times of my life. I had a purpose for the first time and then something else needed me, a bigger cause, and the people I needed the most didn’t approve. And when Red left, followed by the black lion, I knew that I had lost my place. The very root of Voltron had rejected me, and I couldn’t be myself anymore. I wanted to make you all proud but I couldn’t anymore. So it was just easier – not coming back.”

“But the force-field, Keith? Why the force field? This didn’t mean that you had to kill yourself.”

Keith twists away because he knows if he sees Lance now that he would not be able to stop himself from crying.

When he had first left, Keith knew that he would do anything for his team. In all of it they were still his friends and he owed them because they had given him a roof over his head.

Then Voltron was put in a situation and Keith only saw one way out, a way that ended in his death. In that moment, in his ship, he had taken a deep breath and had told himself that it was his life in exchange for so many. He would save Lance, he would save thousands of families. He was just one boy, someone worthless in the big picture. He had watched rebels die for less and knew that it was his time.

But Keith had never wanted to die.

He realised that only after Lotor had taken his shot. Keith had frozen, coming to terms with what had happened and he knew in that moment that he wanted to live. He had so much to live for. Friends and cities and he was more powerful than a thousand Galra and there were missions that he needed to be on; ones that only he would be able to complete.

Sobbing right then and there, Keith was as wreck. His knuckles were white as he clutched the joy sticks as tight as physically possible. He heard their voices over the intercom, mixes of anger and gratefulness, and Lance, Lance was silent for a while and then Keith heard the boy crying too. And then Pidge was crying, and Hunk and suddenly there was crying and in silence over the intercoms and Keith realised then that who he was had held value for so many people. These people wanted him, and they cared about him and if he had died how broken would they have been?

Keith was ashamed. In his sobbing fit he had broken himself into pieces and even when he flew away his hands were so shaky that he didn’t think that he would manage to get himself anywhere.

He had crashed onto some planet that he had never seen before, in greenery so dense that he didn’t have a fighting chance of escape. Trying wasn’t even an option at that point. How could he have been so fucking stupid? Why had he wanted to die?

Kolivan had eventually come in and pulled him out. The anger in his eyes said it all. Keith knew the truth; Kolivan wasn’t disappointed that he had gone to kill himself, he was disappointed that Keith hadn’t come back and that instead Keith had cried like an idiot. The Blade of Marmora only needed people with strength and Keith was showing everything but that.

Even though he had to pull himself together right then and there, he knew that he was broken forever. Some nights he lay in his bed and screamed into his pillow until he felt so sick he thought that he might throw up.

Kolivan didn't say a word to Keith for days, not until the dark circles under the boy’s eyes set into his normal skin tone. And even at that point Keith was physically and mentally weak, his knees were constantly giving out underneath him.

But he pulled himself together. He didn’t want to but he had no choice. He wanted to go back to Voltron and curl up on his bed in the embrace of his team.

Some days he wished that he had just done it – just died – because what he was facing now was even worse.

He wasn’t ready to share all of that yet.

“We missed you.” Lance whispers when he knows Keith can’t say anything.

“I know.” Keith watched Lance blinked away tears when he thought back to that time.

“You can’t leave again Keith – I can’t have you leave me again.”

“Why Lance? All we did was fight.”

“Sometimes I think you’re the only member of this team that hasn’t been corrupted. You escaped right as we began to fall apart. You were the lucky one.”

“I wouldn’t say that I was lucky…” _I am broken Lance, fundamentally ruined._

Lance stands up and picks up Keith’s jacket, hugging it close before turning around and offering a hand to the soaking boy.

“Coming?”

Keith grabs his hand, feeling the surprising soft skin of Lance’s own palm. Of course he was soft. What had he expected? He had often seen Lance’s ‘beauty products’ lining the sinks in the bathrooms and had seem him walk around his face mask and bath robes on countless mornings. He had never understood why it was that important – He was just going to waste time on things that wouldn’t even make a difference.

Keith had to admit though that sometimes he had squeezed a dollop of lotion onto his hands and enjoyed the smell of vanilla before washing it off under the sink as if not to get caught. It did nothing for the callouses that were present, aiding only the dried out skin.

On their feet again, the boys head back to the red lion, now only in complete silence. Lance’s hand is still wrapped tightly around Keith’s jacket with such vigour that Keith is sure that it will leave permanent marks. He hopes not; even though it was slowly falling apart, he had some attachment to the piece of clothing that had always suited him and his style.

 _Crack a joke Lance,_ Keith thinks, _break up this awkward silence._ But the boy keeps quiet, and Keith feels more uncomfortable now than ever. Wasn’t Lance meant to be the carefree one?

In the lion, the pair are positioned next to each other in a way that their shoulders are touching. Keith sort of wants to push himself closer to his friend but he doesn’t.

_What even for, Keith? Comfort? Come on, you’re better than that._

Lance’s whole demeanour has changed from moments ago in the river. Now, he seems wary and unsure of Keith and his presence. Was it the lack of answers or something else?

Keith opens his mouth to ask but shuts it, knowing better because why, out of all people, would Lance answer him?

Back on the castle Lance just hands Keith his jacket, smiles and states blankly; “I’m going to go check on Pidge” before he walks off.

Keith sighs. It was going to be a long few days.


	4. You might as well have put me in jail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 has finally arrived and all the chapters are beginning to get slightly longer which is exciting :)
> 
> I hope the story really picks up after this chapter, I've got some ideas but if there are any suggestions, please let me know :)

That morning Lance had woken up with a cramp in his neck that he couldn’t unknot no matter how hard he tried. Checking the time he knew that he was already late so he enjoyed a couple minutes more under his sheets before forcing himself into his slippers.

Stretching out, he yawns dramatically even though there is no one there to see him. He rubs his temples and looks into the mirror, trying to flatten his hair with a little bit of water. He can’t get all of the bits to lay flat so he gives up trying.

He reaches into his closet and grabs out the first pair of athletic shorts he spots, slipping it on over his legs.  

On the way out of his room he meets Shiro.

“Good morning!” Lance states and Shiro gives him a half assed smile and ruffles his hair – the hair he just spent fifteen minutes flattening.

“You’re slept in a bit today buddy.”

“It’s been a long few days, I can’t help it.”

“I don’t think Hunk is awake yet either, so don’t worry.” They walk down the hall together, their paces matching only because Lance is trying extra hard, “It’s not like we can do much without Pidge anyway. I reckon that Allura and I might head out later, see what we can find out.”

“Okay. Did you want me to come?”

“No, it’s fine.” _Why don’t you want me to come, Shiro?_

Shiro looks tired, and a bit over everything. If he was to go to bed now Lance was unsure if he would ever wake up. So often now, after they began working with Lotor, Shiro had been working full hours and doesn’t have a single moment to himself. Lance wishes that he could just embrace his leader in a hug but restrains himself in an attempt to remind himself that this is not what Shiro needed right now.

Instead, Lance heads down to the training room to run a few laps. Running had become a pastime when he had woken up in the middle of the night and had been unable to sleep. A few circles and he was able to collapse back in his bed in exhaustion. Now he just did it out of habit; the running pumped him up and made him feel okay again.

Alone in the room, he can only hear his own breathing and the hollow echo of the soles of his shoes hitting the floor. Counting under his breath Lance is afraid to push himself faster but his does to spite himself. The harder he trains, the sooner he will be able to soar past the level that Keith was able to reach when he was here.

Faster Lance, a little bit faster.

Once he finally stops he is panting hard, placing his hands on his knees to catch his breath. There is a stitch forming in his stomach, the pain sharp and prominent. He needs to train harder, he needs to become better. Keith was back; he needed to beat Keith, prove his worth.

Lance wipes the sweat off of his forehead with his towel and takes a sip of water from the plastic bottle, glad at the relief it offers.

Lance felt tired, just generally, and now with Keith added on top of everything he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t felt like himself – none of that fun banter to the extent he was used to. He didn’t how to react; wanting not to upset anyone, he had tried to be kind because Lance knew what it must feel like to come back to this place and be completely unaccepted.  

Not knowing what to say to Keith yesterday was difficult. Lance just couldn’t do it in the end and he just had to leave. Wanting to envelope the boy in hugs and wanting to demand answers at the same time was both conflicting and difficult.

In the end, he just needed to go, and he had seen both sadness and confusion on Keith’s face yesterday which was something that he didn't know how to deal with . He didn’t actually go to check on Pidge, he had just needed to get himself out of there so that he had time to think. Lying in his bed, Lance had stared up at the roof and had just stayed there for a while, waiting for the answers to come to him. But they never did.

In present moment, he goes to the bathroom and splashes water onto his face to wake himself up a little.

It does nothing.

_I’ll go and check on Pidge today._

He walking to the medical wing and looks at her position in the sleeping pod. Her eyes are close, and she still looks a little pale but he can tell that her skin has begun to knit back together.

It will leave an ugly and twisted scar that’s raised, serving as a constant brutal reminder. What would she think when she looked at it in the mirror?

He checks the clock. Only a couple more days.

 

* * *

 

 

Keith watched the clock count down – they were only ticks left until they would let her out now. He was nervous, standing behind the rest of them, as far away as he could be without coming across as rude.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Hissing, the door opens, a little puff of smoke entering the air. Pidge stumbles forwards, reaching her hands to find something stable to lean on and Shiro is there for her, preventing her from hitting the ground with a harsh thud.

It takes her a couple moments to reorient herself. When she’s finally walking stably it takes her a moment to remember what happened, and as if on cue, Lance steps to the side to reveal Keith standing there.

He wants to run away.

She looks at him and for a moment her face stays blank but then she cracks the largest smile he has ever seen the girl throw. Running up to him, she throws her arms around his shoulders and he hugs her back, lifting her off of the ground.

He can feel her tears against his neck so he pulls her closer. God, did someone really miss him this much? He is frozen, and he knows that he must feel completely rigid.  

She pulls away.

“I missed you so much Keith.” She wipes her eyes, “I wanted you back so bad.”

“Well here I am.”

She looks at him dead in the eyes.

“You’re not allowed to leave ever again.” She cries. _It doesn’t work like that Pidge._

He just smiles at her and ruffles her hair, trying to ignore the fact that her hair is still matted together with various degrees of dirt and blood. She just looks tired, and he knows how she feels. Everyone in the room could just curl up in a pile of blankets and sleep for weeks.

“Let’s have cake.” Hunk suggests and Pidge nods her head in his direction.

They all shuffle into dining room and Allura and Coran disappear to find them food.

Chocolate and vanilla and strawberry with fluffy icing and although they are slightly dry, no one is able to complain. Not often did they get something like this on the ship. Keith wondered how they had even managed to come across them in a place like this. Maybe Hunk had made it in his spare time while he had waited for his friend to come back to life.

Space cake – not quite the way Keith liked it but he couldn’t say that and it was fair enough; he was literally in space so what did he expect?

Keith indulges in chocolate, two slices before he is too full and cannot devour any more.

Cake reminds him of the birthdays that he had as a child. After the loss of both his parents, he spent some time in foster care, living life as an orphan. When families would remember, they would make him cake from one of those packet mixes that you could pick up from the local supermarket. Sometimes, they would decorate the cake and some years they put the wrong age on it.

“Any good?” Hunk asks, already on his sixth piece.

A chorus of responses fill the room – they are happy and enjoying themselves. Shiro is smiling – When was the last time Lance saw him smile without a tortured look residing in his eyes?

Lance waits for a break before he gives is response: “This cake was sweet!” He says and everyone groans at his pun.

Lance laughs though and shakes his head as he shoves another piece of the strawberry cake into his mouth.

It is like they have just arrived here again and are young and free, without the stress of saving the universe on their shoulder.

Keith does notice Pidge looking at him a couple of times. She is careful with where she places her eyes as she doesn’t want him to catch her staring. What was he meant to say to her? That he is sorry? That he didn’t want her to die?

She knew that, of course she did, so it wouldn’t change anything between the two of them. If nothing, it would just make the situation between them tenser. He gives her a smile; a genuinely happy one.  

“Want to go the pool Keith?” Pidge asks.

“Sure.” He says, shoving his hands into his pockets and standing up, because what else was he meant to say?

They walk part of the way together, before splitting off to change into their swimsuits.

Meeting the girl at the pool, Keith is ready early, so he sits on the edge and dips his feet into the water. He has never truly understood how the Altean pool worked due to its rooftop placement, yet sitting there he decided not to overthink it, choosing instead to stare up at the gravity defying liquid. He imagines himself in the ocean looking up through the waves before he breaches the surface.

Pidge takes several more ticks to arrive, and when she does she places her hand on his shoulder and lowers herself into the water. She submerges herself under the surface and Keith watches her hair float through the liquid as she swims back and forth for a little before pushing herself back up out of the coolness, accidently splashing Keith.

She crosses her arms, places them on Keith’s knees and looks up into his eyes. Her eyebrows furrow as if she is deeply thinking and then she laughs as she witnesses his face of confusion.

“I missed you so much.” She pushes up and ruffles his hair before bobbing back down, “Want to race?”

It was Lance who had the competitive spirit, not Pidge but it was not as if he was going to deny her offer because of that. Keith had his own strong competitive nature and he would beat whoever challenged him.

Sliding into the pool, he exhales sharply as its coolness encompasses him.

She counts them down.

Three.

Two.

One.

Go!

He pushes off strongly, forward stroke and butterfly mixing to make some half assed attempt at swimming. The pool is so much longer than he thought it was and every time he thinks that he is approaching the end, he is actually meters away. Although he is trying his best, he feels out of place, not swimming for a long distance in ages since he spends most of his time in space. No matter what he does, his limbs do not agree with him 

Pidge does win in the end and Keith isn’t sure if it’s because he let her or because he hadn’t spent much time in the water in the last few years. She laughs at him and wiggles her eyebrows, pulling herself up onto the edge of the bath.

She dives back into the pool, water splattering everywhere. Keith follows her, chasing her through the water.

They talk a bit too; about Matt, about Keith and about home but its all small talk. An understanding is set between them; Right now, they would not delve into issues greater than they needed to. Pidge wasn’t ready to hear it all yet and Keith, Keith knew that he wouldn’t be able to tell her anyway.

It does become awkward at one point, and it was in this moment that Pidge spoke again.

“Shall we head back?” She asks, “I want to spend time with everyone, together, before you, you know, go back to the Blade.”

Keith didn’t know what to do or say so like an obedient puppy he followed her. Drying off, they head back to where everyone is still gathered around the table, still wearing their swimsuits.

As soon as Keith and Pidge enter, the conversation halts. Lance looks away, as if shameful, and Shiro makes a point to ask Pidge how their time was; he is loud and clear.  

“We had fun.” She notes, “Keith sucks at swimming.”

“Wait – the great Keith, defender of the universe and top of the class pilot, is bad at something?!” Lance exclaims, shooting up, “Come on I want to see this – we’re racing.”

He grabs Keith’s hands and they, along with the rest of the people around the table, head back towards the pool

Keith groans internally because he knows that if he does not win this, he will never live it down. Lance would hold onto this forever.

Lance takes only a few ticks to get changed into his blue swimming shorts and then they are at the edge of the pool, ready to race. Well Lance is ready, but Keith is not – Keith would never be ready though so now was as good a time as any.

Then occurs the third count down for today.

Three.

Two.

One – a loud whistle blasts through the air.

Keith hits the water a millisecond before Lance but it offers him not advance because Lance is a water angel.

_How on earth can he move like that?_

By the time Keith has made it to the end of the pool, Lance is already halfway back, probably soaking up whatever victory he wants to claim.

Keith is not one to give up though; he would fight to the end to limit the risk of losing.

Especially to Lance.

Pushing himself off from the end, his knees bend in a sharp crack and he is streamlining forward. By this point, Lance has obviously won but Keith, determined as ever would drown before admitting it.

A cat thrown into the water would probably have a better chance of survival and victory at this point. To everyone standing on the sidelines, the poor boy looked like he was drowning and struggling even though he was moving forward. In his attempt to overtake Lance, Keith has thrown himself into disarray.

At the end of the pool Lance helps him back up. Keith wraps his hands around the top of Lance’s arms, and Lance grabs Keith just under the armpits and hoists him back up.

“I won!” Lance exclaims and shoots Keith with his finger guns.

Keith just grabs his towel and dries his hair. Lance goes and joins the others, gloating about his victory. He is slightly back from the group as is Shiro who seems to be just an observer watching over something that he cannot influence.

A warm hand touches his shoulders and he flinches.

Standing next to him is the Princess, fiddling with her hands yet looking confident. She meets his eyes with her piercing blue ones and she nods her head as if there is a silent acknowledgement between the two of them.

“Do you mind if we talk for a moment Keith?” She questions.

“Sure.”

They walk off, slightly away from everyone. He knows that’s coming; from the moment Pidge woke up he understood that he would have to leave again. This place wasn’t his home anymore and he was unwelcome.

“Keith -”

“I don’t want a lecture, please princess.”

“Listen to me for a moment Keith.” She meets his eyes and he can see her sadness. “I don’t hate you Keith, you need to understand that. It’s just -”

“I’m a reminder for you, and right now I’m just causing harm and letting the team down?”

“Keith, please, just listen.” She begs.

“No, it’s always the same. I’ll go, we both know that's what you'd prefer.” Yelling, he can see that she is afraid of him, “I get it – I fucked up, I know. Pidge is – Pidge is fine though. She’ll be fine, so I’ll go now. The Blade needs me, and you obviously don’t.”

She just gives him a sad smile and he realises then that he might have been wrong. Maybe she was going to offer an apology or ask him to stay or anything but what he assumed. _It’s for the better either way Keith – you don’t need these personal attachments._

Then, in the midst of the silence, Keith walks off and heads back to his room.

Empty as always, his room has nothing for him to pack inside it. He takes a sip from a glass of water that he has lying there and flattens his bed sheets a couple of times as if they were messy in the first place. Neat and simple.

Getting changed, Keith feels strange back in his Blade of Marmora suit. Not uncomfortable, but not exactly ready of its presence back against his skin.

He picks up a spare shirt and grabs his headphones, shoving them into his pocket. Taking a second to have one last look, he understands that he won’t be back here again for a while.

When he opens his door to step out of the room, he runs into Lance whose hair is dishevelled. Lance is still in his bathing suit.

“Where are you going?” He asks Keith.

“The Blade needs me.” Keith keeps his face blank.

“So you’re just leaving again?”

“I have to.”

“Keith, you can stay.” Lance puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder, “Don’t just leave because you don’t feel accepted.”

“It’s not that, Lance.”  _You’re 100% right,_ “I have a duty. I need to fulfil it.”

Then, so unexpectantly that Keith doesn’t know how to react, Lance pulls him in for a hug. The boy feels warm and soft and Keith wraps his arms around his friend, Lance burrowing his head into Keith’s neck. He wants to pull him in closer and closer and just melt into the ground.

Not only feeling nice, the boy smelt nice too. Underneath the scent of chlorine, hints of vanilla were present and it reminded him entirely of Lance. It was as if Keith had come home and he had wrapped himself up in a blanket in a nice warm bed with a warm mug of coco in his cold hands. Warm. Welcoming. _I could get used to this._

Keith, for the first time in a while, feels a pang of hope. It’s hope that one day maybe he can come back here again and be loved and accepted.

He breaks away and walks past Lance.

This wasn’t the time to get emotionally attached.

 

 


End file.
